Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
