Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
