remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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