If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
