my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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