just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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