dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
