do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
