If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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