Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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