who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
