Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
