Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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