it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
