Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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