I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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