woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
