We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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