I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have grass duct taped all over my body
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
