HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
