I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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