Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
handjob tips. give me some.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
