I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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