remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
