what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found a bag of teeth...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
