i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I hope mine doesn't look like that
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
