tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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