I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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