if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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