Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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