Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
