I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
