You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
