Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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