Don't EVER smell your tampon
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
