The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
