If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
