I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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