If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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