The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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