speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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