winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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