I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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