mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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