it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
