Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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