quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
