Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
