Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
