Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
