you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
