Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
