my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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