i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
