Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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