do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
