Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
