maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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