I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
