I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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