Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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