If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
