Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize