My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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