Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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