I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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