If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
