I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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