Kiss
Puke
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
