is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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