You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
