Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
