I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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