We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
