meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
