just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
