I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize