I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
