Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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